Alphabet Soup
by LocoAndDeep
Summary: A little craziness with the team...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - A little fun thing that popped into my head that was inspired by another fandom I write for.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Are we there yet?" Parker asked as she tried to look at the atlas.

"Be quiet!" Eliot was losing it. Parker had a broken leg. Thankfully, she wasn't sick. She had been acting like it was the worst injury ever. Eliot was taking her out of town to his cabin just outside of Portland, Oregon to make her rest.

"Come on, we've been in here for hours."

"Don't make me turn this truck around, Parker!

"Eli-ot, I have to pee…"

"Fuck! I told you to go last stop!" In Eliot's defense, he had, but she insisted on getting a Big Gulp drink.

"Get me to a tree or something. I can lean on it."

"Hold your horses."

"I don't have horses to hold. I don't like horses."

"Just deal with it."

"Kill joy."

"Look, there's a McDonald's."

"Maybe we could stop for lunch…" Eliot wondered…

"Nuggets, I want nuggets."

"Or how about a salad?"

"Pshaw. Parker wants nuggets," Parker pouted.

"Quit it already. You can have nuggets."

"Really? Yeay!"

"Sweet and sour sauce okay?"

"Totally."

"Umbrella still in the back?" It had started raining and the umbrella was behind Parker behind the big seat in the cab.

"Victory is mine!" Parker had a Stewie Moment…

"Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink," Eliot thought as he went around the back of the truck to open Parker's door.

"Xyst is a word and 13 points in Words with Friends…" Parker happened to be playing with Hardison online as she sat in a booth resting her leg.

"You want dessert?" Eliot asked. He shouldn't have asked; she was too wrapped up in beating Hardison's score.

"Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah Zip-A Dee-Ay!" Parker spoke as the food came with Eliot to the table.

* * *

Two weeks later…

* * *

"Zero patience left here, Sophie… Help!" Eliot said into his iPad.

"You can do this on your own…" Sophie replied and hung up.

"Xanax all gone… Right into the toilet... Oops," Parker said loud enough for Eliot to hear in his bedroom.

"Whoa Parker, you can't just flush medication down the toilet!"

"Very funny… Since when?"

"Up there in that head of yours, is there anything working?"

"Tuesday is Wednesday."

"Somebody better get up here soon, or I'm gonna wring her neck with my bare hands," Eliot spoke into his com device.

"Right, take a right there, Nate," Sophie said as she gave Nate directions after Eliot's outburst…

"Quickly guys, Eliot's losing it…" Parker voiced into her com.

"Parker, oh Parker, I'm gonna get you..." Eliot began so sound creepy like Jack Nicholson in The Shining and it started to scare Parker.

"Open this door right now…"

"Not on the hairs on your chinny chin chin…"

"Mama Mia!" Sophie said as she saw the destruction in the house.

"Love that movie…" Parker added into her com ear bud.

"Kill Bill would be better, Eliot would like that," Hardison spoke.

"Just what the grifter ordered…" Nate said as he hooked up the flat-screen television to Eliot's wall with Hardison's Netflix help.

"I want cereal."

"Have Hardison run out and go get some!" Eliot yelled from his bedroom. He was trying to rest now that the cavalry had arrived.

"Get more groceries too!" Came from Parker.

"Fun, how'd I get roped into shopping. I hate shopping!" Hardison said as he took Nate's car back down the mountain to hit the nearest store.

"Eliot, are you my friend?" Parker questioned the hitter as she leaned against the doorframe.

"Dammit Parker!" His first comment, but then after he thought about it for a short span of time. "Yes, I think so."

"Cool. I have a boyfriend now."

"But… Fuck. Hardison's gonna have a coronary."

"Ah, ah, ah… No getting out of it now," Parker giggled through narrowed eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - This is getting fun...**

**Hope you like it!**

* * *

"Are you gonna make me pancakes?" Parker asked as she hobbled into the kitchen of the two story cabin with a basement.

"Butter, eggs, pork product of some kind, juice," Eliot went on with his mental ingredients for breakfast list as if he were ignoring her.

"Come on… Pleeease… Pretty please with a couple of tickets to the next Super Bowl on top…"

"Dammit Parker, go get off that leg!" He ordered her back to the couch she had come from.

"Eliooot, pleeease…" The thief pouted. She was reduced to putty when she had Eliot's pancakes.

"Fuck…" He sighed as he caved in.

"Gone, I'm gone. Just make 'em perfect," she spoke before she began to hobble back to the couch.

"How could I not, you wouldn't let me make 'em any other way," he flashed his Eliot smile to her retreating backside.

"I think you should teach me how to cook…"

"Just a sec, how did we go from you begging for my food to teaching?"

"Keep up Eliot, you got left behind."

"Look on that shelf on the left next to the fireplace. There's plenty to read there."

"Mushrooms for Dummies?"

"No, no, no, a shelf up above that," he didn't need her wanting to know which 'shrooms were poisonous and which weren't. Unless of course they were lost in a forest and he was too incapacitated to help her, then he'd consider teaching her that kind of stuff.

"Oh okay. Omelets for Dummies?" He rolled his eyes.

"Parker, my books aren't for dummies…"

"Quiet, I'm reading."

"Right. I'll get back to not burning your perfect pancakes."

"Sausage, I want sausage too…"

"Takes too long to cook, besides, we're out. Will bacon do?"

"Unanimously yes." It was a few more minutes before she could smell pork cooking…

"Very well, serving up now. Stay there, We'll eat in the living room."

"Wowee, food!" Parker said when he handed her the plate of her favorite pancakes, some bacon, and scrambled fluffy eggs as her protein.

"Xavier Dubois wrote my favorite cookbook up there. He was a French Chef in the 1900's.

"Yummy, yummy, I've got syrup in my tummy."

"Zillions of people on the planet and I get stuck with the crazy one…" Eliot joked, but if it came down to brass tacks, he wouldn't have it any other way.

Four hours later… It was time for lunch and Parker was looking through more of the hitter's bookshelf while the man was in the kitchen trying to cook something. He looked up from time to time and admired the simple way she studied the spines upon the shelf. But he had to remind himself that she wasn't his to be gazing like that over.

"Zebras are ponies with stripes…"

"Yes, Parker, sort of." Eliot rolled his eyes again…

"X-Men? You like the X-Men comics?"

"Wolverine and I have a lot in common."

"Visually, he's too hairy for me."

"Ugh, dammit Parker! I didn't need the mental image, thanks!" He barked at her.

"That's supposed to be TMI, silly."

"So sue me."

"Rogue was my favorite," she randomly said as she fingered more of Eliot's comic book collection. "She could become anyone she wanted by stealing their powers for a short time. There's all kinds of fan fiction all over the net with her and Wolverine paired together… Some of it's really hot…"

"Quit and come eat before it gets cold," he said as he put a plate of jalapeño goat cheese stuffed burger patties on the table with all the fixings.

"Please come get me, I'm gettin' tired," she wasn't lying, her leg was hurting her.

So she'd managed to get him to come and scoop her up into his arms. He carried her to the table and set her down into the chair he'd had setting out for her. She was so light compared to the part of her leg covered in plaster and fiberglass.

"Open up," he said as he held two pain pills in his hand to go into her mouth.

"Nuh uh. I don't wanna take drugs."

"Maybe after we finish eating then," he sighed as he gave up and sat back down.

"Like maybe before bed…" she negotiated.

He hated to admit that she was right, before bed would be better. She could close her eyes and relax before she drifted off to sleep. And he could watch her sleep a while before he drifted off himself.

"Killer burger, Eliot," she complimented him once she got a bite of the delicious food.

"Just tryin' something new out on you."

"I like it, but make it when it's not so hot outside."

He figured he needed to ask her how Hardison was taking her being at the cabin with him for so long. It couldn't be good on the couple's relationship.

"How's Hardison with you and I up here all alone?"

"Guess he's got to deal with it…" Parker looked down at her burger with the missing section, where the cheese began to ooze out.

"Fuck… Parker you need to call your boyfriend and talk to him…"

"Eliot, cool it. Hardison can wait until tomorrow."

"Dammit Parker!" He spoke as he put his burger down.

"'Cause you're my boyfriend tonight," he worried she got her wires crossed again…

"Bullshit… I think you need to talk to him tonight instead," he couldn't help it. The hacker was like the annoying little brother he didn't have growing up.

"Awww, Eliot, you're gonna ruin my lunch, dammit," Parker was upset.


End file.
